I read articles about how different cultures deal with grief. I read poems, memoirs. I read about the Buddhist view, learned to begin to trust the belief system that means everything to me in life.
I wrote my own poems, letters. I drew mind maps and memory maps.
- Grief is circular. The Wikipedia version of grief theory; Grief isn’t linear like that. Grief, as I’ve known it, tends to bounce around a lot more — anger to denial to acceptance to depression to anger to acceptance to forgetting to depression. Something like that.
- There are other completely different emotions that are part of the experience of grief. Like longing for a particular flavor of coffee. Like laughter. Like a fear of forgetting. Like forgetting that the person is actually gone, not-coming-back-kind-of-gone (no, this isn’t denial. Long after one knows that the person is gone, one sometimes just forgets it. Maybe this is particularly true of people who weren’t an everyday part of one’s life anyway, like a close friend who lived in another country — it’s easy to forget that, although I haven’t heard from several others in a long time too, theirs is because they’re bad at keeping in touch, and hers is for a different reason).
- It doesn’t end — not really. You think you’re at “acceptance” and “moving on,” and then a package gets lost in the mail, and the helplessness of losing something suddenly, for some reason, reminds you of the helplessness of losing someone, and you are bawling into your pillow in the middle of the night and not moving on at all.
- Perhaps most importantly: it is possible to come back to oneself afterward. In the last three or four months, I have finally come back to myself… not to the self I used to be, of course, but to a new self, a self I recognize and enjoy. It took a while, but I’m there.
If everything is too good, you’re probably stuck not being awesome. Don’t join an “easy” crowd. You won’t grow. Breaking a habit, trying something new, taking a risk, making new connections, or putting yourself in a totally new situation won’t be easy, but it’s worth it. It’s exhausting but rewarding. “All growth depends upon activity. There is no development physically or intellectually without effort, and effort means work.” Comfort can lead to self-absorption, boredom, and discontent. You can either be comfortable and stagnate or stretch yourself - become uncomfortable - and grow. Choose the latter.
“Go where the demands are high. Go where the pressure is to perform.”
Breaking your own mold can only make you stronger and more confident to reach higher levels in your professional and personal life’s. To grow, you have to embrace the discomfort. The transition will be uncomfortable and scary, but that’s the nature of the beast. Stretch yourself. You might just like what’s possible.
“Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort.”
Discomfort is a catalyst for growth. It makes you yearn for something more. It forces you to change, stretch, and adapt. Seek out discomfort. Be deliberate about doing things that push your limits magnificently. Difficulty helps you to grow.
“Don’t limit your challenges; challenge your limits.”
Challenge your mind -even making it a little uncomfortable by pushing yourself to learn tasks that may not come naturally. Most things seems impossible until they are done. Give yourself permission to think and act beyond the usual. Stepping up when it’s annoying or painful or draining builds character. Be good at making time for what matters to you -especially when you don’t feel like it.
Dalai Lama provides an enlightening insight – The main purpose of life is to seek happiness. Yes, we need food, clothing and shelter. But we don’t need more money, more fame or more success. Money will be enough when we learn to control our wants and desires. Well, here are some things you can try.
Understand the law of causality.
This law states that your state of mind is dependent upon the actions you take. You’re in a bad mood when you do things which you dislike and in a good one when you do things you like. So you must do more of what you like and less of what you don’t. Don’t stagnate in that job if you don’t wake up in the morning looking forward to it. Switch to something which lets you do what you’re good at. Mind you, you are good; let nobody tell you otherwise. And while you’re looking for that job which you want, cultivate a hobby. Read books, learn musical instruments and languages, write, play sports, attend musical concerts.
Rewire your thinking & perception.
Stop looking at things as either very good or very bad. Remember: incidents today are a result of what occurred in the past. And nothing ever stays bad forever. If things are bad today, they will get better tomorrow. Also, look at people less fortunate than you instead of the wealthier ones. Interacting with people less fortunate than you will make you feel grateful for your life and improve your Happiness Quotient.
Smile even if you are feeling angry or low. Within 10 seconds your mood changes. Plus smiling and laughing often makes you look and feel younger. Isn’t that also what we want today?
Remember, happiness doesn’t lie in the TV set, social media, lavish parties or lunches. It lies within you. To be happy, you must tap into your inner good and be compassionate toward others. As Audrey Hepburn said,
“For beautiful eyes, see the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”
Well there’s an open house inside of you
It’s tempting you
It’s calling you
It wants to be filled.
But there’s a dream somewhere above you
Somewhere in the clouds
Somewhere way above you
What are you going to do?
Please take the ownership
Of the sky
Of the future
Of all that is behind you
Not by bondage
But rather by acceptance
Of everything you are
And everything you will to be.
Please don’t cry because you’re not sure yet,
But instead rejoice.
There is an empty house.
And you could fill it with anything.
Anything you so choose.
Look up and see
All there is to be gained from freedom
The freedom of knowing
You can be
ANYTHING you want to be.
There’s an empty house!
There’s a white canvas.
There’s a dream out there
Just waiting to find you.
It will find you.
And it will give you the paints
The paints you will use to paint whatever
Beautiful picture you so choose to give to the world.
Life is 10 percent what is happening to me and 90 percent how I responded. Taking a closer look at life. Realizing that the only thing in my control is how I respond to a situation. Yet, I spend my entire life trying to influence situations and people whom I have no control over, paving the way for frustration and dejection.
Successful people refuse to let external conditions govern them. They fortify their inner selves, because a strong mental and emotional self are the foundations for handling uncertainty well. They choose to focus on the 90 percent rather than the 10.
So I have to control my behavior and actions. But often my mind is clouded with thoughts of the past and worries about the future. Consequently, even what I can control gets diluted. And because I haven’t given 100 percent in my work; every time I plunged into uncertainty.
Successful people, on the other hand, aim to bring certainty to the things that matter and let go of everything else. “Perform each action as if it were the last of your life”. Achievers live in the moment, which not only allows them to give it their best but also frees their minds of all doubt and leaves them happy.
I have been trying to finish a project. Unfortunately, it has taken more than a year for something that should take about six months. Obviously I’m procrastinating.
Life is not just about the destination, it’s about the journey also; the ups and downs (and uncertainties) that come along with goals. Successful people know that the environment keeps changing. Some learn the right lessons from history, and some rewrite it.
Rather than looking at uncertainty as an obstacle, I will accept as a challenge. The ability to handle uncertainty will build my character.
If it’s my desire to master uncertainty and do something worth mention that keeps me going. If I can handle uncertainty and thrive in it, nothing in this world can stop me from being what I wanted.
I don’t really know what I am doing, do I? Some days might be marked with feelings of certainty; some moments may be filled with comforts. But in the end, there is no map for this terrain. There is no assurance. In fact, I would say that my very best circumstance on this human journey is to find a way to be okay, to become more comfortable with uncertainty. But here is what happens; I become master of hiding the pain, the confusion, and the discord that this truth brings up for me. In desperate struggle to be found, just keep getting more and more lost.
Hiding in so many ways, pretending to be certain. Crafting entire lifestyles and worldviews based on making things feel more secure.I seek and spend fortunes with the sole intention of putting some ground underneath my feet. But the truth that keeps running from is that reality is actually groundless.
Buddhist teaches us that nothing is permanent. That in this world of pain and happiness both seems to come to us in fairly equal amounts, one always shifting into the other. Being lost is a place of clinging. Being found is the ability to let go.
So here is the truth: I was lost. And being found comes in waves, cyclically, all throughout me. Being lost doesn’t last.
Life is rising up surging forth in all directions
Every little buttercup is reaching out to find connections
Every blade of grass will touch the sunlight
The rain will touch the ground growing greener than it was before
Bees are droning by, spider silk is softly spinning
Not a cloud in the sky, you know it’s only the beginning
Every little blossom, every flower flings its petals wide
As the season comes around once more
The breeze is blowing light and sweet
The Grass, a carpet at your feet
Catch the colours, feel the heat of the sun
All the sparrows in the dell swirling round like a carousel
Singing loud enough to tell everyone
Summers just began, summers just began
All the winters, all the springs lead us here
A season of thousand things to be done
The breezes blow the clouds away
A million things I want to say
I don’t ever want this day to be done
Never seen the sky so blue everything is clear and new
Happy just to be with you in the sun.
Peace was born in India
Brought up by our Bapu
Bapu cultivate the peace in entire nation
We honored Bapu as the Father of Nation
Two weapons of Bapu are non-violence
And high thinking in simple living
Bapu was a good person
Had faith and peace in his life
That faith not attracted to us
But also to the British people
Bapu knowingly had friends and enemies too
I think I am little distracted from the title
But when the word peace comes
Our Bapu should not be forgotten
Bapu with peaceful walks using his Lathi
Gave a major contribution to our freedom
We all love Bapu very much
So one should understand
That peace is cheaper than other weapon in world
But have more power for invading anyone.
-Prashant Purohit with Mahesh Patil.